The Sphere of Control (And My 8 A.M. Meltdown)

The world moves fast. Opinions move faster.

It used to feel like everything needed my reaction.

Now, I’m learning to just… observe.

I’m not oblivious to what is going on today. It’s tragic.

A lot of it is also out of my control.

During my recovery, I picked up a tool. The sphere of control. Some things are mine to act on. Some things are outside my reach. And then there’s the gray area. Influence.

Recognizing these areas of control takes practice. It requires a pause before responding to an event, a news article, or even what someone has said.

Once you recognize these areas, you respond based on where that thing falls within your sphere of control. If you can control it, by all means, do something about it if you want to change it! If you can influence, practice those persuasion skills! But if it lands outside of your sphere, then accept it.

Accepting it is not always easy. I mean, how can we accept murders, kidnappings, or political choices that affect our lives in negative ways, and I suppose it really isn’t accepting it, but realizing that there isn’t any effect you can have over it. Could you influence political choices? Sometimes,…and you can take steps to try and do that. But all in all, we will have to deal with things we do not like.  

Again, this does take practice, but this is how I’ve found peaceful living. This is how I keep my cortisol levels down. This is how I stay sane.

I scroll, unfortunately. I wake up in bed and immediately reach for my phone. I need to know what’s going on! Thumb is ready to go, ready to scroll past all the headlines from over the night, from the morning, updates on what happened last week. I try to justify it. It’s nice waking up and being lazy, perusing the latest gossip/news! Well, until it consumes you, then it’s not so nice. And that’s what I let it do this morning.

I kept reading about all these deaths, a nationally televised kidnapping, and kids being murdered by people they trusted. I feel saddened. Angered. My stomach tightens. I want to crawl into these people’s heads and ask, what is wrong with you?

Instead, what did I do about it? What could I do about it? I ruminated. I ruminated until it put me in a bad mood. I solved absolutely nothing. I did not rescue anyone. I did not change legislation. I did not crack a case. I just ruined my own mood before 8 a.m.

And the world kept spinning.

Of course, we are going to be upset. We crave justice in this world.

Have you ever noticed how your mood changes, but the story doesn’t?

But guess what? We can let it consume us. Or we can decide that our morning coffee deserves better.

That’s the best we can do.

Sure, if we are great internet sleuths, we can jump in on the investigation. We could write letters to our representatives (I live in the U.S.) and appeal to their sense of reason.

I’m not saying to NOT do those things if you’re so inclined. In this arena though, our influence only goes so far, especially when dealing with others’ actions and opinions and if we accept that, the more peaceful our lives will be.

That’s it.

It’s simple, but not easy.

We’re emotional creatures and our emotions are justified (sometimes). We matter. And that is why I’m passing on this advice to you,…don’t let things get to you.

Don’t let the world cave you in. It really isn’t worth it.    

Care.

But don’t carry it all.

You are not responsible for the weight of the entire world.